GOODBYES

"I WISH I COULD HAVE SAID GOODBYE". DOES A GOODBYE CHANGE THE HURT AND PAIN YOUR FEELING, DOES IT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER HERE. NOW WHEN I LOST MY LOVE I GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE THAT MORNING I KISSED HIM ON THE LIPS TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM LIKE I ALWAYS DID, AND SAID GOODBYE. AND OFF TO WORK I WENT. I LOST HIM IN THE SAME DAY AND SOMEHOW SAYING GOODBYE DIDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. I STILL HAVE TO LIVE EVERYDAY WITHOUT HIM. I WOULD KEEP MY GOODBYE IF I COULD KEEP HIM WITH ME. IT MAY GIVE SOME PEOPLE CLOSURE BUT FOR ME IT HURT MORE. WHAT COULD I HAVE SAID DIFFERENT, WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT. IT JUST REMINDS ME WHEN PEOPLE SAY GOODBYE IT MEANS FOREVER,SO MAYBE IF I SAID SEE YOU LATER HE WOULD STILL BE HERE WITH ME.

NOW SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE. GOODBYE TO MY GRANDFATHER AS I HELD HIS HAND AND WATCHED HIM TAKE HIS LAST BREATH. OR GOODBYE TO MY AUNT AS I HUNG UP THE PHONE AND IN THAT SAME NIGHT SHE WAS GONE. OR GOODBYE TO MY LOVE THAT MORNING AND IN THAT SAME NIGHT FIND HIM LYING DEAD IN OUR BED THAT WE SHARED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT. LOSING THESE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID TO THEM. DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO TELL THEM HOW YOU FELT. WHEN I LOOK BACK I DON'T SO MUCH THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE SAID TO THEM IT SEEMS SO MINIMAL AS TO " DID I SHOW THEM THROUGH MY ACTIONS" EVERYDAY DID I SHOW THEM HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM". THE ANSWER IS YES. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GET THEM BACK BUT AT LEAST I DO NOT DOUBT THEY KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT THEM. HOW MUCH I CARED ABOUT THEM THROUGH MY ACTIONS, AND NOT SO MUCH MY WORDS. A KISS EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT A SIMPLE PHONE CALL AS A GESTURE TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE AND THERE NOT ALONE. ALL LITTLE THINGS THAT WHEN YOU LOOK IN THERE ABSENCE HAVE BECOME SUCH BIG THINGS.

SO IF YOU ASK ME IF GIVEN THE CHANCE WOULD I HAVE SAID GOODBYE, NOT IF IT WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME ANOTHER DAY WITH THEM.