MOVING WITH THE WORLD

I USED TO BE THAT PERSON WHO MOVED WITH THE WORLD, FOLLOWED WHERE IT TOOK ME. I USED TO BE THAT PERSON WHO LIVED IT AND LOVED IT. BUT NOW IT SEEMS AS IF THE WORLD IS MOVING FASTER WITHOUT ME. I AM AT A STANDSTILL BUT EVERYONE ELSE IS MOVING FORWARD. I CAN'T SEEM TO COMPREHEND HOW IT GOT SO AHEAD OF ME. I LOOK AROUND AT PRESENT AND PAST PEOPLE IN MY LIFE MOVING FORWARD, SUCCEEDING, LIVING SUCH HAPPY LIVES. I NEVER USED TO BE THAT PERSON THAT COMPARED MYSELF TO ANYONE OR COMPARED MY ACHIEVEMENTS TO ANYONE ELSE'S, BUT LATELY THATS ALL I'VE BEEN FEELING. I'M WATCHING EVERYONE WALK BY ME SURPASS ME AND I GO TO TAKE THOSE STEPS AND CANT MOVE. ITS LIKE MY LEGS ARE PARALYZED LIKE I FORGOT HOW TO WALK. LIKE A CHILD WHO CAN CRAWL BUT HAS NOT YET LEARNED THAT WALKING WILL GET THEM FURTHER. ALL I WANT IS TO FIND MY LEGS AGAIN TO GET UP OFF THE GROUND AND START WALKING TO THE PATH I WAS ONCE ON. I JUST WANT TO HOLD MY HEAD UP AND FEEL LIKE I USED TO. I'M NOT SAYING THAT I WOULD CHANGE ANYTHING I'VE DONE, ITS JUST I WOULD HAVE KEPT UP WITH THE MOVEMENT OF MY WORLD.

PEOPLE DIE. BUT MEMORIES LAST FOREVER

ITS BEEN A YEAR AND 19 DAYS SINCE I LOST HIM. BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY AND IT STILL HURTS SO BAD TO KNOW THAT YOU HAD SOMEONE SO GREAT WHO LOVED YOU WITH EVERYTHING HE HAD, AND TO LOVE THAT PERSON EVEN MORE THEN LIFE ITSELF. SEE I TRUELY BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT HE WAS MY SOULMATE, AND THAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER. WE COMPLETED EACH OTHER. I HAD IN MY EYES THE PERFECT LIFE WITH HIM. WE WOULD WAKE UP ON OFF DAYS AND GO FISHNG AND SPEND THAT TIME TALKING ABOUT OUR FEARS OR ANYTHING THAT WAS BOTHERING US AT THAT POINT IN TIME. BUT THE BEST PART WAS WE NEVER JUDGED EACH OTHER NO ONES PROBLEM WAS MORE IMPORTANT THEN THE OTHERS. IT WAS JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE TO VENT TO, TO CONFIDE IN. THEN WE WOULD GO HOME FEELING BETTER TO BE IN THE OPEN AIR AND TO CLEAR OUR MINDS OF ALL OUR TROUBLES. WE ALSO TOOK TIME TO MAKE SURE NO MATTER HOW BUSY OUR SCHEDULE TO COOK A NEW MEAL THAT NEITHER OF US HAD EVER MADE AND DO IT TOGETHER. I MISS THOSE TIMES WHERE I WOULD BE CUTTING VEGETABLES AND HE WOULD WRAP HIS ARMS AROUND ME AND KISS ME AND TELL ME HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A CHEESY ROMANCE TYPE NOVEL BUT ITS ALL THE MEMORIES I HAVE LEFT TO HOLD ON TO. I MISS SITTING UP ALL NIGHT HOLDING HANDS AND PLAYING SONGS ON YOUTUBE THAT REMINDED US OF EACH OTHER. LOOKING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES AND BELIEVING THAT WITH OUR LOVE THE WORLD COULD NEVER HURT US. HOW NAIVE WE WERE. I STILL CLOSE MY EYES AND SEE HIS FACE SMILING AT ME. GOD I LONG FOR THE DAY WHEN I CAN BE BACK IN HIS ARMS. I WISH GOD WOULD TAKE ME NOW,SO I COULD BE WITH HIM AND NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS PAIN ANYMORE. I THOUGHT I GOT THROUGH THE WORST PART OF THE DEPRESSION. BUT THE THOUGHT OF BEING WITH HIM BRINGS THEM RIGHT BACK INTO MY HEAD. I SURROUND MYSELF WITH MEMORIES OF HIM A BASEBALL HE GAVE ME BEFORE HE DIED WITH I LOVE YOU AND HIS SIGNATURE ON IT, A PICTURE FRAME WITH HAPPY ANNIVERARY I MADE FOR HIM ON OUR ANNIVERSARY, MOST OF ALL OUR PICTURES SURROUNDING ME IN HOPES THAT I CAN FEEL HIM CLOSER TO ME IN MY HEART. I TALK TO HIM AS IF HES STILL NEXT TO ME LISTENING TO EVERY WORD IM SAYING. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SOMEONE WHO IS SO PERFECT FOR YOU WHO IS THAT MISSING PUZZLE PIECE TO COMPLETE YOU. COULD LEAVE YOUR LIFE IN AN INSTANT. AND I CANT HELP BUT THINK TO MYSELF AM I DESTINED TO BE ALONE AND UNHAPPY. I DONT WANT TO CRY EVERY NIGHT ANYMORE, I DONT WANT TO FEEL LIKE MY LIFE HAS NO MEANING. I JUST WANT TO HOLD HIM AGAIN, TO SEE HIS SMILE ONE LAST TIME. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. I WANT MY TRUE LOVE TO BE WITH ME PHYSICALLY NO JUST IN MY HEART. I WANT EVERYTHING THAT IS OUT OF MY REACH THE IMPOSSIBLE AND YET I STILL WISH FOR THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY. WHAT I WANT MORE THEN ANYTHING ELSE IS FOR JUST ONE LAST TOUCH KISS FROM HIS LIPS. ONE LAST I LOVE YOU.