Sunday, November 16, 2008

FAMILY TIES

WHAT CAN I SAY FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE LONG AFTER MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE COME IN AND OUT OF YOUR LIFE. YOU RELY ON THEM TO GET YOU THROUGH THE HARDEST TIMES IN YOUR LIFE. MY FAMILY IS ONE OF A KIND. YEAH WE MAY BE DISFUNCTIONAL AND CERTIFIED CRAZY BUT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT WE HAVE EACH OTHERS BACK AND NO MATTER WHAT WE ARE ALL GOING THROUGH WITH MY FAMILY YOU WILL NEVER GO THROUGH IT ALONE. THERES ALWAYS SOMEONE THERE WITH WISDOM EITHER BEEN THERE DONE THAT OR HAS HAD A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE. SEE ME AND MY SISTER ERIN FOR THE LONGEST WERE THE WORST OF ENEMIES, WE WERE IN FIGHTS EVERY OTHER DAY SHE DID HER THING AND IT WAS ALWAYS SOMEGTHING WE WOULD CLASH ABOUT. BUT LIKE I SAID BEFORE NO MATTER HOW BAD IT WAS I COULD ALWAYS RELY ON HER WHEN SOMEONE FUCKED WITH ME OR VICE VERSA. IVE COME TO RELIEZE SHES THE FIGHTER OF THE FAMILY, SHE WILL ALWAYS STAND UP FOR EVERY ONE OF US WHEN EVER SOMEONE HURTS US. SHE IS THE TYPE THAT HAS TO LEARN IT HARD BY DOING IT, EXPERIENCING IT. THEN THERES MY BROTHER BJ, HES LIKE AN OUTCAST OF THE FAMILY , BUT NOT IN SUCH A BAD WAY HE JUST IS INDEPENDENT DOES HIS OWN THING, FINDS A WAY ON HIS OWN TO DO THINGS, BUT WHEN WE NEED SOMEONE HES THE FIRST CAR THERE TO PICK YOU UP AND MAKE YOU BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHINGS OK. HE WILL BE THERE AT THE DROP OF A DIME WHEN YOU NEED HIM MOST. THEN THERES MY COUSIN TRACEY SHES THE MOTHER OF OUR GROUP, THE OLDEST AND WISEST. SHES ALWAYS THERE TO PUT US IN OUR PLACE LET US KNOW WHAT WERE DOING WRONG AND GIVING US ADVICE ON HOW TO FIX IT. WE RELY ON HER TO PUT US BACK ON THE TRACK WHEN WEVD DRIFTED OFF COURSE. SHES STERN BUT CARING WHEN IT COMES TO US, THEN LAST BUT LEAST THERES MY COUSIN MIKE WE CALL HIM THE HEART OF THE FAMILY. LIFE DEALS HIM THE SHITIEST HANDS BUT HE CAN STILL MAKE A WINNING HAND OUT OF THEM. HE IS WHO WE RELY ON TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH LIFES TROUBLES AND WE RELY ON HIM FOR HIS INCITE ON HOW TO DO IT. IN MY EYES HES ONE OF THE STRONGEST OF OUR FAMILY ANOTHER BEEN THERE DONE THAT, BUT MOST OF ALL HE HELPS US FIND OURSELVES POINT US IN WHAT DIRECTION WE SHOULD BE GOING BECAUSE CHANCES ARE IF WERE GOING THE WRONG WAY HES ALREADY TAKEN THAT ROUTE AND WILL GUIDE US BACK THE RIGHT WAY. HES THE ONE THAT WHEN SHIT GETS REAL ROUGH AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, WE CALL HIM. HES A LISTNER AND THAT’S IMPORTANT FOR OUR FAMILY. AND THEN THERES ME THE BACKBONE OF THE FAMILY, THEY SAY IM THE STRONGEST BUT I STILL RELY ON ALL OF THEM TO REMIND ME HOW. SEE IVE DEALT WITH THE HEART PARTS OF LIFE MORE THEN ANYONE IN ONE LIFETIME WILL EVER GO THROUGH, BUT I GUESS IN A WAY WHAT MAKES ME STRONG IS THAT I’M STILL HERE FIGHTING. LIFE HAS HANDED ME PHYSICAL AND MENTAL SCARS BUT I JUST CALL THEM MY BATTLE WOUNDS. I LOOK AT IT AND REALIZE GOD KEEP ME HERE FOR A REASON, WHAT THAT REASON IS I’M STILL NOT SURE BUT HES GOT SOME BIGGER PURPOSE FOR ME. I’M BEGINNING TO REALIZE IT MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH MY FAMILY. THEY ARE MY HEART WHAT KEEPS ME GOING IN THIS FUCKED UP WORLD. SEE I CAN FALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN BUT I HAVE MY FAMILY TO MAKE SURE I DON’T STAY DOWN TO LONG. I GUESS THAT S WHAT MAKES ME STRONG. NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I GET KNOCKED ON MY BUTT AS HARD AS IT IS I ALWAYS GET BACK UP. THEY RELY ON ME TO BE STRONG WHEN STUFF GETS REAL HARD IN OUR FAMILY AND I TRY MY HARDEST TO BE THERE TO BE TGHAT SHOULDER TO LEAN ON. SO YOU SEE WE ALL PLAY A CERTAIN ROLE IN OUR FAMILY, I GUESS THAT’S WHAT MAKES US SO CLOSE WE ALL RELY ON EACH OTHER TO GET US THROUGH THE HARD TIMES AND THEY NEVER FAIL US. I GUESS THAT’S WHY THEY SAY YOU ALWAYS NEED YOUR FAMILY.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

TATTOOS

WHAT CAN I SAY I LOVE TATTOOS!!! BUT WHAT ANNOYS ME ARE TATTOO TRENDERS(LOL JUST MADE THAT UP) PEOPLE WHO JUST GET TATTOOS BECAUSE THERE IN STYLE. NOW CALL ME CRAZY BUT TO ME A TATTOO IS AN EXPRESSION OF YOURSELF,SOMETHING THAT HAS A SPECIAL MEANING TO YOU(CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR GRAMPS TAT DREA) OR THAT DEFINES YOU CHARACTER(LOVE THE TATS NELLZ). TO ME A TATTOO IS A WAY I'M FEELING AT A CERTAIN TIME OR POINT IN MY LIFE.
MY ROSE-THE FIRST TAT I GOT IT SIGNIFIES LOVE AND THE THORNS FOR HOW MUCH LOVE CAN HURT.
MY SACRED HEART-MY SACRED HEART WITH THE CROSS DAGGER GOING THROUGH SIGNIFIES THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE STAB YOU IN THE BACK YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON GOD.
MY ANGELS- THE GOOD ANGEL AND THE BAD ANGEL REPRESENT MY CONSCIENCE THAT INNER BATTLE OF RIGHT AND WRONG.
MY YANKEES-MAY SEEM LIKE A TREND BUT HAS DEEPER MEANING. IT WAS PART OF A BET ME AND LEE HAD BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY. SO I HONORED MY WORD. THE YANKEES WERE ALWAYS ONE OF OUR PASSIONS WE SHARED. BASEBALL IS MY LIFE AND ILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE VERY FIRST GAME I WENT TO WAS AT YANKEE STADIUM.
MY TAURUS-MY ZODIAC IN TRIBAL DEFINES ME AND WHO I AM AS A PERSON. IT IS MY CHARACTER.
MY ROSARY- ANOTHER RELIGIOUS THE CATHOLIC PART OF ME. REPRESENTING MARY AND HER PART IN THE BIBLE.
MY HEART-THIS IS THE ONE THAT MEANS THE MOST TO ME.I PUT THIS ONE ON MY HEART BECAUSE HE'LL ALWAYS HAVE MY HEART. IT HAS THE SAYING TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES(SELF EXPLANATORY) AND A BUTTERFLY FOR HIS SOUL BEING FREE WITH OUR INITIALS. NOW THIS ONE IS ALSO SPECIAL TO ME BECAUSE I HAD SOME OF HIS ASHES PUT INTO IT. ITS MY LITTLE WAY OF KNOWING THAT HE'LL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART.
SO TO ME TATTOOS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER SHOULD HAVE A MEANING TO YOU MAYBE EVEN A STORY BEHIND FOR YOU. SEE AS SOON AS THAT NEEDLE HITS MY SKIN IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE LIKE EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME IS BEING OPENED TO BE RELEASED EVEN IF TEMPORARILY ITS MY ESCAPE IT ALSO LETS ME KNOW I'M NOT COMPLETELY NUMB I CAN STILL FEEL. A COMBINATION OF PAIN AND PLEASURE TOGETHER I CALL IT MY SILENT EXPRESSION. RANDOM TOPIC BUT I JUST FELT THE NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST DON'T TATTOO A GUYS NAME ON YOU UNLESS ITS FAMILY OR SOMEONE WHOSE PASSED AWAY(AND I'M SURE THERES OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES BUT THOSE ARE THE MAIN ONES). ALL THESE PEOPLE GETTING TATTOOS JUST BECAUSE THEIR STYLISH OR BECAUSE ITS THE COOLEST TATTOO OUT THERE HERE AND NOW. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! I LOVE TATTOOS AND HEARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES SO LEAVE ME A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW ABOUT YOU TATTOOS.

Friday, November 7, 2008

GOODBYES

"I WISH I COULD HAVE SAID GOODBYE". DOES A GOODBYE CHANGE THE HURT AND PAIN YOUR FEELING, DOES IT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER HERE. NOW WHEN I LOST MY LOVE I GOT THE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE THAT MORNING I KISSED HIM ON THE LIPS TOLD HIM I LOVE HIM LIKE I ALWAYS DID, AND SAID GOODBYE. AND OFF TO WORK I WENT. I LOST HIM IN THE SAME DAY AND SOMEHOW SAYING GOODBYE DIDN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. I STILL HAVE TO LIVE EVERYDAY WITHOUT HIM. I WOULD KEEP MY GOODBYE IF I COULD KEEP HIM WITH ME. IT MAY GIVE SOME PEOPLE CLOSURE BUT FOR ME IT HURT MORE. WHAT COULD I HAVE SAID DIFFERENT, WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT. IT JUST REMINDS ME WHEN PEOPLE SAY GOODBYE IT MEANS FOREVER,SO MAYBE IF I SAID SEE YOU LATER HE WOULD STILL BE HERE WITH ME.
NOW SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE I'VE HAD TO SAY GOODBYE. GOODBYE TO MY GRANDFATHER AS I HELD HIS HAND AND WATCHED HIM TAKE HIS LAST BREATH. OR GOODBYE TO MY AUNT AS I HUNG UP THE PHONE AND IN THAT SAME NIGHT SHE WAS GONE. OR GOODBYE TO MY LOVE THAT MORNING AND IN THAT SAME NIGHT FIND HIM LYING DEAD IN OUR BED THAT WE SHARED NIGHT AFTER NIGHT. LOSING THESE IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID TO THEM. DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO TELL THEM HOW YOU FELT. WHEN I LOOK BACK I DON'T SO MUCH THINK ABOUT WHAT I'VE SAID TO THEM IT SEEMS SO MINIMAL AS TO " DID I SHOW THEM THROUGH MY ACTIONS" EVERYDAY DID I SHOW THEM HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM". THE ANSWER IS YES. I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO GET THEM BACK BUT AT LEAST I DO NOT DOUBT THEY KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT THEM. HOW MUCH I CARED ABOUT THEM THROUGH MY ACTIONS, AND NOT SO MUCH MY WORDS. A KISS EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT A SIMPLE PHONE CALL AS A GESTURE TO LET THEM KNOW YOU CARE AND THERE NOT ALONE. ALL LITTLE THINGS THAT WHEN YOU LOOK IN THERE ABSENCE HAVE BECOME SUCH BIG THINGS.
SO IF YOU ASK ME IF GIVEN THE CHANCE WOULD I HAVE SAID GOODBYE, NOT IF IT WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME ANOTHER DAY WITH THEM.